Never’s (aka Lucas von Mecheln’s) Butt-hurt Cream
Have you had some failures in your life?
Has the only thing you ever had going for you just gone tits up?
Are you out there on the ledge thinking about jumping?
Do you have a noose around your neck and one foot off the stool?
WELL STOP RIGHT THERE!!!
WE CAN HELP!!!
INTRODUCING: NEVER’S BUTT-HURT CREAM!
Folks, trust us when we tell you, this cream is EXACTLY what you’re looking for! Let’s review:
You see this guy?
Yeah. That should be enough to warrant some serious butt-cream applications, but it goes deeper than that.
That is Lucas von Mecheln, better known in the World of Tanks world as Never. (Originally, he was called Neverwish, but he thought that sounded too gay (which it was) so he shortened it to Never in a vain attempt to Butch up.)
But I digress…
Anywho, this asshole is the one behind the most toxic, bully-pulpit bullshit to ever hit the gaming world. This is the asshole that created Wotlabs. This is the asshole that, along with his band of fellow assholes, twisted, warped and manipulated a rating system called WN(x) in order to go out and insult people about how much better they were at playing a free-to-play pixel tank game than you are.
Yep. That’s right. They spent hours upon endless hours of time, money and resources to be able to bully people over the stats in a fucking free-to-play game.
Well, now it’s over. It’s all over for him…which is sad, really, because this guy is a complete, total fucking failure at everything just like all the bullies and trolls we’ve exposed here. Let’s take a look, shall we?
Gratuitous screen shot for you lazy fucks as usual:
CEO? Of Wotlabs?
This guy is ALSO a CEO of Lost Pixel Studio.
Gratuitous screen shot for you lazy fucks:
CEO of a “company” (and folks, we use that word as loosely as Rita Sobral’s snatch is) with only ONE employee.
So we went to check out this “major company” that has to have a CEO and guess what?
It doesn’t exist.
So we went further down the list to his “Art Director / Web Designer” job at Oromus. We went to check that out, and guess what?
Yep. He’s on a roll, folks! Yet another
Now, we’re not even going to get into his “photography” company. (Apparently, when your mom buys you a Cannon Eos for Christmas, you’re instantly a professional photographer.)
So what did he have left? A stat-whore site. That was it. He’s still, like nearly all the trolls we profile here, living off his mother, looking for himself and not finding a god damned thing but an overweight, useless failure.
The death knell for Wotlabs came just a couple months ago when the programmers that actually created XVM got sick to death of his (Never’s) bullshit.
What he and his band of assholes have done for the last 5 years is take a simple stat system designed to help people see how they were progressing, and intentionally manipulate it to make themselves look like they were better than everybody else. They would change certain values on certain tanks, tell nobody else, play those tanks, and PRESTO! They have better overall stats than everybody else because nobody else knew what the fuck to play to get those stats at the time.
To take it a step further, they would take the popular tanks most people were playing and manipulate the values of those tanks to make the people that played them look worse, and then they (the Wotlabs assholes) simply wouldn’t play those tanks.
So, after years of fucking abuse, XVM put the god damned hammer down by saying essentially, “Fuck you. We’ll do the Wn values ourselves and you’ll either use them or we’ll simply have you cut off completely.”
And so, after trying to prevent the inevitable, Lucas (Never) had to throw in the towel:
Well, well, well…how the mighty have fallen.
But it’s all good now, folks!
You simply grab a tube of EWOT’S new Never’s Butt-hurt Cream, shove it up your bung hole and squeeze the tube for all you’re worth, and you’ll feel better in just minutes.
If you’re having to buy this shit, odds are pretty good we don’t give a fuck one way or the other if it brings you any relief.
We certainly don’t in this case. Good fucking riddance to the worst thing that ever happened to World of Tanks: Wotlabs.