The Shit Sandwich is Now Available!

Well, folks, here were are once again in the wonderful world of World of Tanks with a new product for your dining pleasure!

World of Tanks apparently gave the regional manager of Burger King what can only be described as “services of the oral type” for days on end in order to get a deal with them to make the “Tank Burger”. Here it is:

16 dollars for a fucking burger! Wow. And get this, you get with it a “small gift” like a day of premium or some other bullshit.

Well, folks, we simply REFUSE to be undersold on ANYTHING! So I got on the phone and called up a friend who knew a guy that had a friend that had a sister that slept with a dude whose brother was in jail with a guy that had a cousin that owned a fast food restaurant to come up with the next big thing in fast, affordable cuisine:

That’s right, folks!

For only $5.99 you can enjoy our new Shit Sandwich!

Available for carry out only because we don’t want that shit (literally) in our shop any longer than it absolutely has to be.

Sounds like a great deal, doesn’t it?

BUT WAIT!!! THERE’S MORE!!!

  • It comes with a free kick in the balls for men upon placing your order! (Women get the Donald Trump treatment…except for Rita Sobral. Seriously, girl…stop coming by here. We’re NOT serving you anymore.)
  • Free dysentery!
  • Free E.coli bacteria!

As if that weren’t enough, you’ll be treated like shit while served shit, so you’ll feel right at home just like when you log on to that shit game World of Tanks with its shit service and shit moderators!

The EWOT Shit Sandwich is the PERFECT companion to your World of Tanks experience!

  • Did your premium tank you gave 54 dollars for get power creeped into uselessness? TAKE A BITE OF SHIT SANDWICH!
  • Did you use your reserves to grind out a tank only to go on a pre-programmed 27 game losing streak? TAKE A BITE OF SHIT SANDWICH!
  • Did you get Team Killed by a bunch of Nazi’s spewing anti-Semitic and racial slurs while World of Tanks mods sat there doing nothing about it? TAKE A BITE OF SHIT SANDWICH!
  • Did a 70 ton tank you were looking right at only 100 meters away vanish into thin air like a fucking Klingon Bird of Prey and then one shot kill you immediately after that? TAKE A BITE OF SHIT SANDWICH!
  • Did the tank line you just free XP’d your way up get beat to death with the nerf bat and a new line released so you have to do it all over again? TAKE A BITE OF SHIT SANDWICH!

Yes, folks, the shit sandwich is THE gaming accessory of the ages for World of Tanks. As bad as the game sucks and as bad as you punish yourself to play it, the shit sandwich goes beyond self loathing into the realm of pure masochism.

So get off your dead ass, get down to your local Tasty Sleeze, and pick up your Shit Sandwich today!

 

7 Responses

  1. Gomez_Adams says:

    OMG! How absolutely desperate do you have to be to offer a tank burger? Especially one that cost so much? My God, that’s ridiculous!

    The shit sandwich is far more compatible with World of Tanks in its present state, that’s for sure.

  2. Insurrectional_Leftist says:

    I’ll have mine to go with extra shitty cheese, along with an “Extra Forum Strike” (with no appeal, or reason justified by the EULA), yes and ALL my Tier 8 tanks are big Shit Sandwiches now, because they hardly make any Silver! Facing maximum Tier X shit sandwich games! Due to the Master Shit Match Maker – Shit Sandwich Maker.

    Next you can take a bit into the GBWS !! “The GRAND BATTLE WHOPPER SANDWICH” !! Yes, if play untold numbers of tier X battles (Spending all your money$ left in your account to reach even one Grand Battle) you might be read for a big Whopper Shit Sandwich! Welcome to Victor’s Grand Shit Sandwich of Utlimate RIP YOU OFF, & Ultimately A to win for OP players. All Victor’s Grand Shit Sandwich Scheme of Grand Battles!

  3. PrinzEugen85 says:

    I can’t believe this is actually a thing. And the price, I could make a box of burgers for the same price.

  4. Scorpiany says:

    I love how WarGaming chose Burger King, which (in my opinion) is one of the worst fast-food burgers around. And $15.95 for it to be tank-themed? I know that the Slavic regions have an unusual obsession with WoT, but that’s just crazy.

    It’s a black-edition burger too… Maybe WG should release it as a Tier 8 Premium vehicle… They found “historically accurate evidence” for its existence… On the back of a Burger King napkin.

  5. Speedy_DePalma says:

    So original, I liked it the first time around when they did it in Japan with the black sesame here it’s probably dark rye or something cause you know Slav’s be like that. Not knocking rye bread or anything it’s quite tasty but sheesh do something a little more original like bigger beef patties or something.

  6. Speedy_DePalma says:

    Also where is this exactly? The only country on the shit side of the curtain where the pricing shown would make sense is Poland where it’s a little under five bucks for the burger alone.

  7. Thing 1 says:

    It’s a black-edition burger too… Maybe WG should release it as a Tier 8 Premium vehicle… They found “historically accurate evidence” for its existence… On the back of a Burger King napkin.

    Now that is GOLD right there. SOLID FUCKING GOLD. LMMFAO!!!

    Not knocking rye bread or anything it’s quite tasty but sheesh do something a little more original like bigger beef patties or something.

    Yeah, man. Nothing beats a good pastrami and swiss on rye with gray poupon country Dijon mustard.

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