An_Innocent_Bystander of SIMP: Shit talking, Crybaby, Potato Extraordinaire!

 FULL DISCLOSURE: This article originally supplied by Insurrectional Leftist has been reformatted and HEAVILY edited by Thing 1. Sometimes, you just have to say a bit more than was originally said.

It’s another beautiful day in the lovely land of World of Tanks with another lovely story of another crybaby unibrow-thinks-he’s-God’s-gift-to-the-game asshole. Once again, our offender is a member of SIMP.

Yeah, I know. Old news. A SIMP player acting a complete ass is status quo.

Our victim, oddly, is NOT Insurrectional Leftist this time. It’s An_Innocent_Bystander of SIMP. You see, he just proves the stereotype of most so-called “good” players who actually aren’t any good at all. They yolo in, spam gold rounds, have friends back them up, and get away with it about 6% more than any regular solo player does.

That’s really all there is to it. Don’t think so? Well, buckle up because here we go:

This game starts off like every other game any power clan is involved in – some shit talking with sexual connotations. (Apparently, they’re all so busy playing a free-to-play pixel tank game that none of them ever get laid, so sex is at the forefront of their minds.)

Boce, in the E5, asked at the very start if  “you worked his way or bought his way to that tank”. He never mentioned a name. He didn’t have to. An_Innocent_Bystander is a reroller that buys his way past any difficult tank grind and plays only those tank he’s knows are decent so he can protect his precious stats. (He’s got only 5 games in the Churchill 5, 2 games in the Churchill 7, never even sat in the Black Prince.)

So instantly An_Innocent_Asshole and his little sex-starved buddy EnasniThriller of WONKA (yet another asshole clan of sex starved perverts) start the shit talking:

Followed immediately by the sex talk:

Now, while all of this is going on, they’re of course not paying one damn bit of attention to the game. They know where they’re going. They go to the same place on that map every single time. It’s what power clan platoons do. It’s how they get their stats: Go to same place, spam same gold rounds, rinse, repeat.

So they’re pretty confident they’ll face roll this game and that will be that. It’s all good. Let’s trash talk a guy that knows we bought our shit not worked for it and then talk sex too…well…because we can’t get any so we’d might as well talk about it that way people will think we’re cool not the sex-starved, circle jerking, basement dwellers we are.

Sad Fact #1 – nobody’s buying it, guys. We all know this game is all you have in your failed and miserable lives.

Now, at this point we are LESS THAN ONE-AND-A-HALF MINUTES INTO THE GAME. It’s this way EVERY game with these idiots.

At this point (yes, already) An_Innocent_Bystander dies. Blown to bits. So what does he do? Well, he does what every other power clan asshole does: Blames the game and everybody else, specifically taking Leftist in his sites.

See? Same thing every time. Now, of note here is his statement “When I could be a complete shitter and let RNG do the work”.

Well, asshole, that’s exactly what you do. You and your buddies go in together spamming gold and you play the odds that RNG will be more on your side than theirs. About 8% to 10% of the time, it works. That’s all there is to it.

Let’s take a look at An_Innocent_Bystanders gaming prowess, shall we? Here he goes at the start:

Charging down front to the corner, out front, all alone, outrunning everybody to get to “his spot”. And then:

See? That’s really all there is to it.

When the RNG works in his favor, it’s “his skill”. When the RNG works in the other teams favor, it’s “this bullshit game and all you shitters” that made it happen.

So he and his apparent butt-buddy starts back in again like the little, sex-starved, crybaby bitches they are:

Now, never mind that Leftist was nowhere near them, they’re singling him out. (We all know it’s because this is NOT the first time SIMP has been proven to be complete fucktards on this site.)

Nice, eh? Now, here comes the payoff of it all:

If Leftist is a complete fuckup, what does that make your worthless asses?

He outperformed BOTH OF YOU.


28 Responses

  1. EnasniThriller says:

    Hello, sex-starved pervert here 🙂 just want to say I appreciate the post, finally I get my time to shine! But you two great minds left out some details in this article, but I understand, you’re trying to impress the other great World of Tanks players who actually knew this website existed. But thanks to this sweet post I am no longer living on the streets playing WoT on my microwave. Thanks for the mention!

  2. Thing 1 says:

    Two things:

    1. We’re not trying to impress anybody.

    2. We obviously impressed you enough to come here and make an even greater jackass of yourself.

  3. Gomez_Adams says:

    What’s the old saying? Better to be thought a fool than to open one’s mouth and remove all doubt.

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